Nothing comes easy….even for a goddess!!!

Love you Bettie….Rest in Peace!!!!

•              As a general rule, I DON’T believe in New Years resolutions!! They don’t work…because there are too many expectations placed on them. I admit , I do have a few “thoughts”…to get healthier, to get more active, to do things that give me REAL joy, to read a book per week, to be kind to people…EVEN if they aren’t kind to me, to get back to my art….OK..enough for now!
•              I am always amazed at the amount of people that fill the gym in Jan. but if you just wait a month, they have disappeared! It just didn’t happen fast enough to make them feel like they had made a difference in their life! And yet, there is that brain injured girl that is there EVERY day….and the “Silver Sneakers” classes are full. We, as Americans are a “right now” society! As a self proclaimed “gym rat”…I DIDN’T love it at first! It took a few months…wandering around and trying out different equipment…and then…the weight room!!! I was terrified of getting in some big, burly guys way that I was so nervous. But gradually..I learned to love the simple accomplishment of “being there.” So what if I didn’t know everything about free weights…I learned! And, found out that MOST guys were pretty nice…and willing to help.
•               So..after a year of staying out of the gym to let my back fusion heal before I stressed it and leaving all my teaching positions I think that I am mentally ready to resume my “normal” life. The healing time for my type of surgery is 1 yr-18 months…so I am not even closed to that healing time. But, I can’t keep avoiding activities that scare me. Let me step back a moment and explain, back surgery was THE most horrific surgery that you could imagine. I really had no choice….my spinal canal was so compromised that I was losing the feeling in my left leg. I had a stress fracture of a vertebrae, which if left untreated could cause paralysis. So…I STOPPED looking online for all the “horror stories” and just did it! A word of caution….be VERY prepared for this type of surgery. I actually checked myself out of the hospital 2 days early because i wanted to die at home (OK…I was not thinking totally clearly)…but that was they way that I felt! I could walk a few steps..with a…..walker!!! How did this happen? I was a dancer!!! Didn’t they know this???
•                So, I am proud to report feeling much better. I still have bad days, but don’t we all! I am just SO darn grateful for the dramatic drop in pain! And, even though I run the chance of instability in the rest of my spine due to the fusion (it is CRAZY to see the x-ray of all the hardware that will stay in my back)…but after researching “after stories” I have found that people go back to their life of choice! I mean…really! What was the point of this entire year if not to return to the activities that complete my life! So…back to tennis, racquetball, the gym, horseback riding, and dancing (although all my doctors just looked shocked when I suggest this.)
•                 And, gardening…which I miss more then almost anything else. Just being outside changes my outlook! I fond that depression is highly probable after back surgery and it really hit me hard. Feeling the sun on my face…the dirt in my hands…it is like a form of worship for all the wonders in this world of beauty! Don’t get me wrong I still park my butt in bed for a “Law and Order” marathon….but…as resolutions go, just getting back out there without fear is my “resolution.” And, if I fall off the wagon…I will still love myself…because if I don’t, no one else will!

•      I have been asked this question a million times. With a last name like “Acuna,” I felt that even though I grew up with parents straight from Kansas, it was my job to give my kids a multi-cultural upbringing. So..I learned to cook mexican favorites (mine too!) Then, I felt that they should get a bit of MY background …so I put all my kids into competitive Irish dancing!! And, as an “homage” to my adoptive parents…I learned to bake like a farm girl.
•      As the kids grew up, I developed a love…OK, an OBSESSION for Belly Dance!! As I graduated from “baby” dancer to one with some proficiency, I began to explore the Middle Eastern culture. I LOVED it!!! And, then I saw an East Indian dance performance. I was in AWE! This tiny dancer with a whole set of live musicians danced what was her “coming out” dance! It went on for 2 hours (maybe more)….and it was SO athletic!!! So, I did the ONLY thing that I could….I found a class. But, this class was at a Hindu temple…and my fellow dancers average age was about 7!
•       Then, I was hired as the primary dancer for a wonderful little place in Palm Desert called “The Olympia.” I learned SO much about being a professional dancer there. With live musicians (from Greece..no less) I was in heaven!! Sure, there were a few forgettable nights…but for the most part people were amazing!! I was hired to dance at the Ren. Faire during those years…and was dancing and doing henna jobs for a great event producer.Talk about crazy!!!!
•        And, sadly…I remember 911. Watching it happen on TV, in shock! And, what happened afterward. No one wanted to hire ANYTHING involved with the Arabic culture. I became sadly resolved..jobs were suddenly gone. Wonderful restaurants closed down. In general, all dancers took a break! Slowly, after a year or maybe more…people seemed to realize that these events were caused by a few really BAD people..not the entire Middle East. Slowly, events started happening again….but it really took a long time for me to feel comfortable performing….
•         Now, even though we are still involved with this horrific war, events are becoming popular again..and my classes are full (funny…they were always full, go figure!) In this very multi-cultural land in which we live it is gratifying to see that we, in general, are a forgiving bunch!!! I am so proud to be an American and have the privilege to pursue whatever interest strikes my fancy!!! And, who knows what may be next???? I have been drawn to tango lately….too bad you need a partner!!!

She is SOOOOO cool!!!!

•                I have been thinking….WHAT do I want to do with myself in the year 2011?? I have always set goals for myself..some a bit lofty! So, realistically WHAT do I want to accomplish at this point in my life that I haven’t already done? Well, I would love to make getting back into AMAZING shape as my 1st priority. I have been in pretty good shape for the last 10 years (having to be seen in public in a belly dance outfit is BIG motivation for sure.) But, with all the physical limitations caused by this year’s back surgery it has been really tough to go to the gym. But, honestly some of that is just feeling sorry for myself.

•                  I feel like I have lost my “power” as weird as that might sound. Working out gives me a feeling of strength…of almost aggression that I NEED! I am such a passive person by nature that finding this feeling almost of testosterone is such a high…that I became addicted to it. Even if I was dragging..I would pull into the gym..grab my bag..go in and put on my gloves and Ipod and the world outside just disappeared if only for an hour or two!      

•                 So..it is just a matter of re programing my mind into thinking of the positive aspects of getting into a routine again…not how much I would rather just put it off for one more day. And, back strength means being comfortable dancing again! I used to be fearless when it came to dance! I would take ANY class, all kinds of new disciplines, never letting my feelings of being self conscious stop me. Maybe this year I will be strong enough again to learn to tango! Or, just to get back to class consistently! And to get my studio in working order and USE it!!!
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